As a headteacher, I dealt a lot with memories. I was privileged to lead others who made memories for children through trips and visits and performances and competitions and sports and activities and residentials. I wrote blog posts about and provided training for staff on working memory and long term memory and cognitive load. I even dealt with digital memories through IT strategies and the shift to the cloud.
In my new role, as a funeral celebrant, I realise that something we didn't talk about much in school - or in western society at all really - are the memories we have of other people and, in particular, the memories we have of our family members and closest loved ones. Finding out about other people's lives to craft their funeral ceremonies has been genuinely fascinating.
People are fascinating.
Many cultures around the world place significant importance on family histories and biographical narratives.
in China, families hold genealogy and family histories called jiapu, many of which have been meticulously documented for centuries - sometimes spanning hundreds of years. These detailed records trace family lineages, achievements, and social status, and are considered important for understanding family identity and ancestral connections.
In Japan, the concept of kakei or family lineage is deeply important, particularly among traditional and samurai families. These families often keep detailed records of their ancestors' accomplishments, social roles, and historical contributions.
A number of Indigenous cultures in Africa have strong oral traditions where family histories are passed down through storytelling. Griots, traditional storytellers in West African cultures like the Mandinka, are responsible for preserving and recounting family and community histories.
In Hawaiian culture, genealogical chants and stories (known as moʻokūʻauhau) are fundamental to understanding family and cultural identity, tracing lineages back through generations and connecting individuals to their ancestral lands and heritage.
This documenting and preserving of family biographical narratives is a widespread cultural practice that helps maintain cultural memory, social connections, and individual identity.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​
In England, some people keep a family tree. We've had Who Do You Think You Are on television with the opportunity to see Danny Dyer claim a vague and distant relationship to Henry VIII's advisor, Mark Rylance.
More recently, official records have become more readily accessible on the internet via Genes Reunited and shops on rundown town centres have been taken over by companies offering to help you trace your family history.
These sites give you basic facts - outlines and shadows and bits of people.
What do you really know about your closest family members though? How much do you know about your grandparents romances, your parents' childhoods, your siblings' school years, your aunt's relationship with your dad, your mum's hobbies before you were born, your sister's volunteering for charity, your brother's time in the military, your daughter's first job, your son's first pet?
Many people walk in a haze of fake connectedness, friends untied, these days.
We are linked through screens which keep us more distant. They encourage us to tap a "thumbs up" to feign an interest in virtual people on the other side of the world and show little interest in the amazing person on the other side of the room. We share everything with people we barely know and barely know the person we should really be sharing everything with.
As we move towards the festive season, when many of us head across countries or across the globe to see loved ones, have a think about putting down your smart phone and its artificial intelligence and tap instead into the genuine genius of your family members.
Ask them a bit about themselves. It's interesting. They're interesting.
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